Poor Ian! He really hates school. He never wants to get out of bed in the morning and sometimes when I drop him off at school he starts crying. At school before he goes into class, other parents try to talk to him, but he won't answer them. He doesn't like his teacher. He isn't playing with anyone at recess.
Some kids from Emma's class were bullying him at recess. They were pushing him around and grabbing him by the collar. Emma said that she started slapping them on the back and screaming at them to leave her little brother alone. Later, when she was telling me about it, she asked me (with eyelashes fluttering) if she did the right thing since it was in self-defense. I told her that it was fine since they were pushing Ian around. I told her that she could "go wildcat" on anyone who was bullying her or Ian. She responded by hissing at me and scratching the air. Emma said that she told the yard duties and they just brushed her off and told her to go and play. She also said that she told Ian's teacher, but she didn't do anything about it. So of course I got upset. I insisted that Collin talk to Ian's teacher and then I talked to Emma's teacher since the boys are in Emma's class. Since then, Ian hasn't had any trouble with people bullying him at recess.
One of the main problems is that even when other kids or adults talk to Ian and try to get him to participate, he doesn't answer. I don't know if it is because he can't come up with an answer fast enough in Spanish or if he doesn't understand what they are saying or what. Since he doesn't respond to the other kids in class, they eventually leave him alone. He spends almost every recess alone. The yard duties won't let him to gymnastics because they are afraid that he is going to hurt himself. All he wants to do at recess is handstands, cartwheels and something that looks like front walkovers. His aspiration is to be a power tumbler or a free runner. It seems like they just won't let him be himself at school. He gets upset a lot in class and will throw fits when he gets upset. I am currently bribing him with money, Kinder Sorpresas or computer time each day he doesn't throw a fit at school and tries to play with people at recess.
He did get invited to a birthday from a girl in his class. They went to VidBoys and he had a lot of fun. The other children seemed happy to see him and were waving and calling his name. I am starting to think that the language barrier, the new school, new country and new apartment are just too much for him. I am surprised because the kid I worried the most about initially was Aidan since he is so shy, but he's doing great. Ian's teacher and the director of the school both say that Ian just won't assimilate. The director has at least been checking in with me after school occasionally to see how the kids are doing. I feel like he cares about them, but Ian's teacher does not. Today he told me that his religion teacher yells at him every day because he doesn't understand what he is supposed to do in class. The director happened to ask me today how Ian was doing and I told him about the religion teacher. The director told me that none of the kids have to attend religion class and all I have to do is sign a paper to relieve them from class. The other kids really wanted me to sign them out of their religion classes, but since they are doing fine, I don't really want to. Plus, Emma always comes home singing beautiful songs about Catholicism.
Collin and I kind of want to just take him out of school altogether. I would be fine with homeschooling him and Ian is really good company. But I really want him to learn Spanish and I really want him to make friends. I also don't want to teach him that you can just quit something because it is hard. You can't always do that in life. Everyone says that things will improve with time, but it has been almost two months since the kids started school and he still hates it. He is also a very sensitive child and gets hurt feelings very easily. He gets angry easily when things are not going his way and flies into a rage. I wish I knew what we were doing wrong as parents. I am really torn as to what to do. I want to keep him in school, but I also want him to just stay home with me.
3 comments:
No advice or anything from me, just a big I'm sorry Ian is having a rough time. And don't feel like you're doing something wrong as his parents. No one knows Ian better or wants him to succeed and be happy more than you and Collin.
If I was there I'd go wildcat on those boys too. No one messes with my nephew!
Weston walked in while I was reading this post and said, "that boy is very sad mom." He was looking at the picture of Ian laying on the beach. I told him it was Ian and he doesn't like his school because they speak spanish. He said that Ian could be his friend because spanish makes him sad too. So funny.
I'm going to have to discuss before I give any suggestions about Ian. Hang in there, both of you.
Hi, Tara: I know I might not be the best source of advice on this because Joseph's Spanish is not great and he doesn't have a ton of Spanish friends. (He does carry on conversations sometimes and he is friends with kids at church--especially cute older girls.) My kids and I all have our quirky weirdness too, and maybe we would all be more normal if I just sent them to school. I homeschool Joseph mostly just because I like having him around. I homeschooled Jesse because the teachers and the kids taunted him. He had to skip all class parties, and they called him "clumsy" and other worse names. I homeschooled Sam to save his life and keep him away from druggie friends--it worked. My boys are geeky and weird, but I love them and I'm glad they are around and mostly happy. For what it's worth, my two adult boys who were homeschooled are in college and doing well. My two adult boys who went through public school have dropped out and don't want to do college (and they're mostly doing well).
I think sometimes there is a stigma against homeschool, because we are not used to the idea and it doesn't seem "normal." But maybe public school isn't "normal" or "right" all the time for every child.
About quitting when things get tough: I don't think it's a good life plan, but it could work as a strategy sometimes. When I was a kid, they used to always say to "bloom where you're planted." I think sometimes we can bloom better if we're transplanted.
Having said all this, I don't know what would be best for Ian. You and Collin are the ones who can figure that out. He is beautiful--all your kids are. Just keep loving him.
Un abrazo, Valerie
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