Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?

What an EMO-tional day we had. I took the kids to the park tonight so they could burn off some energy and boy did they! In the course of two hours they managed to do more damage to themselves and each other than they normally would in a week. Emma managed to accidently "pour gravel" down Aidan's throat. Ian jumped onto Emma's shoulders for a piggy back ride and accidently bashed her nose into a ladder and gave her a bloody nose. Emma tripped over Aidan's foot and fell down really hard on the patio (I had to carry her for awhile). Ian threw a walnut at Aidan and hit him in the head. I told him not to throw it, but he threw it again anyway and hit a teenager on the teeter-totter. The punishment we have been using lately instead of timeouts and spankings is to make the offender lick a corn and chile flavored lollipop that all three kids hate. I had Ian lick it for throwing the walnut at Aidan and again for throwing it at the teenager when I had already told him to stop. He was really upset about having to lick the lollipop twice and so he started running away. At first I let him go because I thought he would eventually stop and squat behind a bench like he usually does. Aidan started to get worried and wanted to go and bring him back. I told him he could and we both started going after Ian. When Ian saw Aidan running towards him, he started to run faster . . . right towards a very busy street. I started screaming, "STOP! IAN, STOP!" He finally turned around and stopped about 2 feet from traffic. I thought he stopped because I was screaming at him, but he actually stopped because Aidan was crying.

Aidan told Ian that he wants him to stop running away because it scares him so much and that if Ian ran away or something bad happened to him, he would feel so sad that he would want to kill himself. Ian said that he thought Aidan didn't want him to run away just so he could have someone to tease at home. That really hurt Aidan's feelings. Aidan kept saying to Ian that he loves him so much and he would feel terrible if something bad happened to him like getting hit by a car or getting kidnapped. They were both crying very loudly for about 15 minutes at the park. I was really teary-eyed too. After comforting them both, I decided to step back a little and see if they could work things out on their own. They were hugging each other and held hands all the way home. Ian didn't try to run across the crosswalks as he usually does and they asked if they could take a bath together and sleep together on the top bunk. Aidan told Ian (by his own volition) that he would try his best to stop teasing him and Ian said he would try to think about that before he ran away again. Aidan also told Emma he would try to stop teasing her. Emma said she would try not to complain and tattle on him so much. At home, after they all got ready for bed, I read the third Bunnicula book to all three of them and tucked Aidan and Ian in together on the top bunk.

I am hoping that this is a turning point in the boys' relationship. Most often, Aidan won't let Ian up on his bunk bed or Aidan will try to exclude Ian from a game he and Emma are playing or he will just plain tease him because he is bored. I know that this is what older siblings do. I'm sure I was that way with my younger siblings. But I worry because I remember that I was not close to my older sister until we were both married and had children. When we lived together we fought, bickered, teased, argued and tattled on each other constantly. We were both full of spite. I can actually say in all truthfulness that we hated and resented each other. It is very hard to mend a relationship after so many years of loathing and bitterness. I don't want Aidan, Emma and Ian to have that kind of relationship with each other. I want them to be close as children and as adults when they have lives of their own. Of course, I don't expect them to never fight or tease. I just don't want the childhood fighting to escalate and have lasting effects into adulthood.

I think I did the right thing by stepping back and letting them work things out. I have a hard time not jumping in and trying to solve my kids' problems. I hope the bond they forged tonight at the park lasts, at least a little while. Not just for my own sake, though I would love more peace in the home, but mostly for them. I hope that they can be best friends as well as brothers.